Episode III
Let's dance!

Luckily for the you, and the rest of humanity, you can restart from the last save until you manage to kick the King's ass. When you finally win, feel free to pat yourself on the back because the next location on the list is the last dungeon in the game.

But let's not get carried away, no sense in going anywhere without a bit of healthy inspiration, Final Fantasy IV style. Hop on the whale and head back to Mysidia.

Neither could I, honestly. I mean, you'd think that if you were wishing off the five heroes to whose hands the fate of the entire world laid in you'd be able to come up with something better than "Edward has always thought about you people."


Perhaps some other time when there is not an evil moonman trying to destroy humanity.

And now! A slew of generic, questionably inspirational textboxes in no particular order!

Good times.

And dead, too.

Well, surprisingly the old man is correct. The time has finally come to head back to the moon to fulfill your destiny and put a stop to the evil Zemus.

The lunar skid marks have never looked so inviting.

When you arrive, head straight to the crystal room. Square had the great idea of making the crystals NPCs at this point in the game. Hey, I'm not complaining!

Yaoi comics start the same way!

This is either poorly translated or just a flat out lie. This is the only guidance these bastard crystals will ever give you:

No sh**.

Very convenient that an evil moonman keeps incredibly powerful weapons that he's weak to in his lair with him. Well, all the better for you. Time to get em.

... But not before a 20 minute light show (with complementary transportation).

After the game is done taking advantage of the entire color spectrum and the smoke, confetti, and chicken feathers have cleared you'll find yourself in the final dungeon. It's the longest, toughest and most frustrating place in the entire game.

Make your way through the the dozens of floors and secret passages and eventually you'll come upon the first sealed weapon.

This guy wants you to go to eternal gloom of the Dark World, however, it's much easier to just kill him.

Understanding his dialogue is harder than he is, take him out quickly for Edge's Murasame.

The next sealed weapon is Kain's White Lance

If everyone who dealt with woe had to face off against this ugly ahriman there would be a lot less people in the world, that's for sure.

There is a save point close to this room so after taking out Plague be sure to save, the next two sealed weapons have incredibly difficult bosses guarding them.

He detests it so much it puts it right out where the people coming to kill him can get their hands on it! What an evil genius!

I guess he was betting on Wyvern to take you out. Not such a bad idea, I mean... My bet's on wyvern. Good luck, bitches.

If you do manage to beat this souped-up Bahamut freak beast you'll get Cecil's Crystal Sword. Nice.


You guessed it, Edge's Masamune comes from Ogopogo, but if I had to choose between his introductory textbox or the sword, give me the textbox, every time.

Congratulations! You've unlocked the last of the sealed weapons. You're now ready to face off against Zemus! Rest up and save before you go on any further. If you're out of tents and cabins you can pick one up in this room:

As well as encountering simultaneously the rarest and oddest random battle in the whole of Final Fantasy IV.

Cross your fingers!

(You think that you, the ones from the internet, can handle this power of cheese, Cinderblock!)