Episode I
There's a monster in my passage!

And now, for a recap:

The Giant of Bab-il is already at large fulfilling Golbez's evil scheme to annihilate the Earth, two lone mountain ranges and a few acres of grassy plains have already suffered due to the machine's destructive nature.

Obviously something must be done, but what will our heroes do? They've only a giant flying whale and a moonman-

But wait!

Ah, how the tables have turned!

It seems that Cid and his genius airship maintenence crew have discovered the machine's main weakness, which is apparently yelling out affirmation! YES!

Now it's time to make the move on the Giant of Bab-il, but not before a few heartfelt introductions.

You heard the man, it looks like Cecil and company will be entering the machine through the mouth. Take landing on his big mechanical tongue. To prevent the potential argument, YES destructive machines do have tongues and they are very purposeful!

Actually, giant destructive robots are much more genetically similar to humans than you would probably expect.


Hold on: Mouth, neck, chest, stomach... What's after stomach? Oh yeah, passage. Passage is an internal organ that is commonly totally forgotten about, but it's in every one of us! As a bit of trivia, Passage is the anatomical part of our bodies that spawned the popular children's song "The stomach is connected to the passage."

Make your way through the elusive organ to the robot's lung, your next destination. YES! I'm telling you, robot's have lungs too!

In the lung you'll be launched into a battle with the evil Second Hand Smoke!

No wait... actually it's none other than the four elemental fiends who not only have been revived, but have been given the intimidating power of finishing each other's sentences!

BREATHED life; they're in the LUNG, how clever!

The fiend's newly gained ability to talk for each other and the ingenious concept of fighting together instead of getting killed off one by one should spell certain death for Cecil and the party, but thanks to a certain moonman with lots of good magic, it spells a very anticlimactic death line instead, curtesy of Rubicant, better known among his elemental peers as "That Idiot"

Be sure to save your game back in the passage before continuing on, more trouble awaits the team in the next room, er.. organ.

Instead of removing the CPU from the ZIF socket, you will decide to attack it with swords, magic, and summoned beasts instead.

I'm not sure what speed this CPU runs at, but judging by it's ability to do 9999 damage when the north and south bridge on the motherboard are fried, I'm guessing it will be in Alienware PCs within the next couple of months.

After destroying the CPU, the Giant of Bab-il is finally put to rest. But it's not over yet! Golbez will surprise the party with an evil statement somewhere along the lines of "GOSH Everytime I come up with a good plan to destroy the world you mess it up!" But don't worry, Golbez is finally going to come around.

I'm going to be totally honest with you, he did have a little more hatred than the average Joe.

So it turns out that Golbez was being controlled all along (go figure) by an evil moonman named Zemus, so he's got a perfectly good reason to want to settle the score.

In all fairness, it would be a hate crime if the other moonman didn't watch him settle the score.

Kain has been fooled so many times by this moonman throughout the course of Final Fantasy IV, that if he doesn't want to go beat the crap out of him now everyone else on the team will surely refer to him as "The dumb sissy" for the rest of his days, so Kain clearly has his reasons set out for him.

And then; There is Edge...

The original translation of this textbox was "You're going to need me for a full 5-member party!"

If you can honestly and earnestly use the following phrase at any point in the entirety of your life, consider yourself an accomplished human being.

(Seriously, get off the big whale.)