Episode IV
In the Event of an Explosion

We all know Giott's plan is a bad one, in fact it's already failed plenty of times before.

Unfortunately there is no way to move the story forward without following his instructions, so make your way to the next cave.

There it is, good and sealed. Completely safe from infiltration by the enemy, I guess our only option is to remove the seal and protect the crystal, or in more common speak "do the dirty work for the enemy yourself... again..."

Trap Doors are a real pain, and you'll be surprised the first time you have a run in with one. That surprise will slowly diminish as you realize that every single door in the entire cave is a trap door. Expect to die a great deal of times in this place learning which trap doors have absolutely nothing behind them and avoiding them.

On a side note, there is a positive side to coming here, you'll be able to encounter palette-swapped VampGirls <3

Soon enough (HA! don't kid yourself) you'll find the crystal room.


Let's see... Long frustrating dungeon, lots of random encounters and trap doors, crystal at the end... Sounds like we're overdue for a big random demonic wall boss.

And there he is!

Beside looking like he came directly out of Contra III The Alien Wars, EvilWall is a real son of a bitch. Use Levia[than] whenever you can and try to take him down quick or else he'll do what EvilWalls do best, make you restart at the last save point.

This won't feel like a very representative statement after restarting the boss battle 7 times before actually winning.

Hmm... Well that didn't take long.

My thoughts exactly.

Brilliant plan asshole.

The heroes are exhausted and worried, one by one they have lost the crystals to Golbez and his sinister plan. With all hope quickly fading from sight, and the entire world in the balance, Giott resorts what any one of us would in the situation.

He calls for a giant stellar whale.


Pimp my airship.

Before continuing, there is one more cave to explore in the underworld.

It's called

And at the bottom is

And inside of it is

Yang! Proving once again to all young viewers that firey explosions are fun and perfectly safe.

Not only that, the side quest that follows this revelation displays exactly what to do if you know anyone who has recently been in a firey explosion. For the sake of the young audience, I have decided to fully detail the procedure.

First, leave them unattended for a long period of time and visit their home.

Tell people where they are, but leave out the part about them having third degree burns all over their body and that they are losing profuse amounts of blood.

Take a heavy metal object of your choice from their house.

Return hours later to the victim and ignore the protests of any onlookers.

And finally, bash them in the face with the object you've obtained.

Despite the ignorant ramblings of those who were watching at the time,

The victim will be in tip-top shape and you will be rewarded with a spoon.

Take it and head for Mysidia, your next destination.

Upon entering, you will be greeted by other old lunatics obsessed with the giant whale.

You should probably prepare yourself.

Uh oh...

You don't mean...


Well, now you have a perfectly good whale to ride around in, and you'll be happy to know there is a big fat chocobo stuck inside of it as well, always ready to store any extra items you have in its disgustingly obese stomach and puke them up later for you.

Convenient, but how does this help in the struggle against Golbez and his completed crystal collection?


It's time to go to the moon in a whale!

(In the meantime, pipebomb your friends)