Episode III
Episode of Text and Picture

Unfortunately, as you'll soon realize, your awesome, unbeatable, stylin' new airship... Sucks.

The only place you're going in this thing is right back to that damn dwarf castle since it doesn't have the ability to cross magma (yet it had absolutely no problem when it was chasing the Enterprise in the last episode)

Well, you don't have a choice, so head back to the ugly lali-hoes.

Hmm, Giott really one-upped me on the interpretation of that "I am afraid" line...

Hey! I have an idea, let's go get the crystal before Golbez has a chance! Yeah! Great idea considering we've already tried that plan an ass load of times and its had a 100% fail rate.

On the up-side of coming back to this dumb castle, the inhabitants do have funnier dialogue than before, take advantage of it.

You see, coming here wasn't so bad after all...

Do you mean the of the Cid? Well, he's is right of the here in the of the basement.

Convenient... Take this as a lesson kids, jumping from a great height and exploding in mid air is perfectly safe. Cid is living proof...

Don't bother asking any questions, just head off with Cid's modifications and visit the dwarf town which was previously unaccessable. It's home to some delicious genuine cheese. For future reference, the word "from" is not, has not, and will never be spelled "frum".

And now, for the three general rules of a friendly underworld dwarf town:

1. Ask strangers dumb questions that answer themselves.

(To answer your question... It's up)

2. Give strangers all of your treasure for no reason

(If friendly underworld dwarf towns really existed college tuition wouldn't be so bad...)

3. Farmer

Now that you're done here, you've got some options. More specifically, you can enter cave A, cave B, or the spectacular cave C. All sound equally uninteresting... Let's choose A!

And the winner is!

This would be a great name for an area if every single area in the game didn't also fill the criteria contained in it. This is the equivilent to specifically naming your friend Jim's house "House of Floor and Ceiling"

That Rydia is so cute... I wonder if all callers are as cute as her.

Guess not.

Make your way through the Land of Ambiguity to reach the Land of Summoned Monsters, AKA the Land of...


You're going to have lots of fun here. Just start talking to ALL the Bush hags.

I hope he's not as stupid as the human kings of Final Fantasy IV.

Yeah, other worlds, like RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR STUPID TOWN.

True, but in his defense, at least he hasn't talked in Engrish yet. Besides, Titan could totally kick your ass.

When you're ready, head over to the library.

Actually there is exactly 240 books, not even close to countless, however, saying that you'd never get bored reading them is a lot closer to being accurate.

Take a look at some of my personal favorites:

"Strong in body and mind" otherwise known as "Float"

In other words: "The worst"

FFIV Translator: "The word unbeknownst looks really cool... Where can I throw it in to this game..."

This book is titled "Top 100 Farfetched Legends!" and this is numero uno but maybe you shouldn't laugh about this one just yet... *sigh*

Most importantly, you'll DEFINATELY want to read the book next to it before you move on. I call it Le Scripturé Di "There is Actually a Boss Coming Up That Requires a Semi-Clever Strategy to Beat so Here is the Strategy For Those of you Who are Too Stupid to Figure it Out Yourselves.", It's a classic in Bush Hag Land.

It's finally come time to face Leviatan and Asura! The official King and Queen of Monsterworld.

erm... Ladies First.

Well, do you?

Talk about not looking like your on screen sprite...

Keep Wall(Grapefruit Slice) casted on Asura and this will be a quick battle. Then move on to King Leviatan!

Leviatan is probably the toughest boss you've faced so far, luckily he's almost in the shape of a pretzel. Give it your all and you'll come out on top as the glorious winner and the new master of the King of Summoned Monsters!

All that time he went unbeaten... You'd think he'd have come up with a better speech than that.

Surprise, surprise, you get the bootleg Leviatan. That's what you get for summoned monster shopping at the swap meet.

(Extended due to delayed update, DON'T get used to this treatment)