Episode V
"The Empire Strikes Back"

Well, Edward and his overwhelming stupidity have been stealing the spotlight and Cecil doesn't like it, not one little bit. So in order to get things back to normal he breaks us in with another classic moment of emotionally tormenting Rydia.

"fire" must be that new lingo meaning "terrorist attack that I, myself, committed"

Now that Rosa has been "saved" and Edward has proven his manliness to his dead girlfriend and killed a rabid BushHag it's finally time to stop Golbez! FIRST STOP... uhh... A mountain... With a karate man on top... and some bombs.

This karate man will be a great asset to your team due to his permanently inflamed nasal passages that allow him to sneeze on his foes at will. As soon as you meet him you'll be forced into a boss battle against MomBomb.

I'm guessing the idea behind this hideous beast's name was that he/she's the "mother of all bombs" although the name doesn't really suggest that at all. MomBomb can be tough if you don't put Yang's ancient mucus technique to good use. Covering Mombomb with snot is an assured win in this battle. A flying dragon kick couldn't hurt either.

Yang begins his emotionally moving story about how his training buddies were just murdered by bombs but Cecil, being the complete and total asshole that he is, uses his famed "this-has-nothing-to-do-with-what-you're-saying" phrase technique.

"My friends and I were ambushed and..."
"Yeah, cool, whatever, we're going to Fabul"

Cecil is already scared of losing the focus of the story progression again to the karate master Yang so he makes a pre-emptive blow at Rydia this time.

Cecil doesn't want Yang to be any more important than himself although he does realize that Yang has great (and unusual) powers and thus forces him to join the party. Yang is told that, if he refuses, Cecil will hold him down and spray decongestant in his nostrils rendering his lifetime of nasal-kung-fu training utterly useless.

After you're finished on the mountain, head to Fabul as you originally planned. You can do lots of interesting things in Fabul that no person in their right mind would want to pass up. Start out by talking to this young man:

Sounds like a great idea little fella, however... It would be of a little help if you explained just who in the hell you were talking about you randomly violent little son of a...

Next pay a visit to Yang's wife

Ah... Just the response I expected.

Anyway, if you're feeling spent you can catch some Z's in the least likely of places.

This speaker of this troublemaking piece of dialogue insisted that he/she remain anonymous. My money is on Cecil, that bastard.

After you're done causing trouble in Fabul, go have a chat with the King.

I don't see how this King gets anything accomplished responding to everything he discovers by screaming "Truly!?" at the top of his lungs. No, we were just pulling your leg King, you fell for it.

Why bother? I'm pretty sure Cecil could hold off any enemy force with his spelling and grammar mistakes alone.

After an intense battle against the invading enemy force, the team is forced to the last stronghold to protect the crystal from Golbez, the crystal room itself. Kain will now make his first appearance since the terrorist attack at Village Mist.

Playing through this scene is almost like playing Final Fantasy IV on a foreign rom, you just kind of have to put together what's happening through the pictures rather than the text because it's completely nonsensical.

And just when you thought it couldn't be worse.

Stunning entrance. Chills my bones every time I see it.

Well, needless to say, Kain bitchslaps Cecil, takes the crystal and also kidnaps Rosa. After all of the things that Cecil's already accomplished I'm not even impressed.

Before Golbez and his gang left with their loot they tortured the King of Fabul by reading off a whole list of fun facts. The King now suffers from severe laryngitis. The Queen thinks he may never be able to scream "Truly!?" ever again. But she does show great confidence in the King's ability to overcome it.

Hmm, actually I take back what I just said. I'm not so sure this is confidence, it could just be bad writing...

Yeah... Bad writing.