"If only he were as smart as he is weak"
Well, as you can clearly tell from the climax of the last episode,
Tellah is too angry to continue traveling with you. But his leaving
really goes to show you... With the loss of every angry old man with
amnesia comes a vehicle that allows you to cross water that has three
pointy rocks sticking out.
Well, we'd all really like to get to stopping the evil Golbez and his
Republican Wings, but first thing's first, we have to save Rosa from
the evil clutches of the horrible desert fever! I think desert fever
was supposed to symbolically suggest that she slept around with members
of the Taliban.
Once you reach the lair of Antlion you'll realize that Edward does
exactly the same thing as Rydia in battle. Gets knocked out
continuously. Best to just hack away with Cecil and let the two useless
weaklings stay dead until the end.
Since Edward has been dead since the very first enemy encounter in the
cave, he'll have to remind you at the very end that you're in the lair
of Antlion. Well thanks for the info Captain Obvious.
I guess the idea was to show you that Edward is just like pretty boy singers nowadays. Completely and totally clueless.
Well I guess Antlion is tame if your definition of tame is big red
aggressive freaky horned cockeyed beasts that want to devour you with a
gross looking toothed oriface in their face.
If Final Fantasy IV had voice acting they would have definately gotten
Mr. T to play Antlion. YES he's THAT aggressive. Anyway, surprise
surprise If you sit there guess how much damage Antlion will do to
Cecil? That's right, 1 hp. Guess how much he'll do to Rydia and Edward?
If you said 5 gazillion you're absolutely correct. If you decide to
actually attack Antlion, be prepared, he counters with a move that does
exactly the same thing that takes 1 hp, but for some reason it takes
like 30 hp, even from Cecil. That's right, a 2900% increase.
Call Chocobos and slice Antlion while drinking potions like a freak
until he's defeated. Before heading out you'll have a nice informative
talk amongst yourselves.
This must be one of Cecil's special abilities he was taught in Baron's
Dark Knight training program: The ability to answer someone's question
with a phrase that is totally unrelated without anyone realizing it.
Classmate: Hey Cecil, what's the square root of 8?
Cecil: There is a bed in my room.
Classmate: Ah! Got it, thanks man!
After you're finished here, head back to town to save Rosa!
There's something wrong with this picture. I thought the idea of curing her was so I didn't have to listen to this crap anymore?
I'm sorry. For my. Overuse. Of the period. Now who are you sleeping
with!? I always sensed such a jealous overtone to this conversation. I
also always get the feeling Rosa just made up this whole damn illness.
Maybe it's the "I'm-so-not-a-real-sickness" symptoms, maybe it's the
fact that rubies don't cure sicknesses, even if they are guarded by
Or maybe it's just the horrible job Rosa does at fake-coughing after she's already "cured"
If you don't really hate Edward, well... You should. Square knew this,
and decided that if he's going to persist as a character in the game
something HAS to be done. Therefore you get a useless scene to
basically illustrate that Edward plays such bad music it is capable of
killing foul demons.
Kill the BushHag!
I find it funny that of the two characters on screen beside Edward,
only one comes from the water, and that's Anna. "I believe in you
Edward! Your music is so horrible it does physical damage to the enemy
and occasionally lulls them to sleep!"
Maybe it wasn't the bombings that killed Anna afterall...
TO BE CONTINUED!
(Can't think of anything witty or clever.)